I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm too high and old for this...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
