Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
