ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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