I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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