took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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