Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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