Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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