Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Everyone says I win the strip club
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
