Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
