Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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