Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize