So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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