hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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