no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
