I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
