i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Found the puke drawer
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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