I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
