i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You smell like stripper and shame
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
is wine microwaveable?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize