I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
