I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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