Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
