you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
