I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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