let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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