Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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