bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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