I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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