Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
