well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
