stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
