I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
