i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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