I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
