I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
