dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
