Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
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