so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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