I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
