please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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