My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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