He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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