You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize