Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My ass is underappreciated
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
