Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
