new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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