Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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