at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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