Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
