my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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