Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
