I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
