Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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