Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
