I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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