Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
