I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
