Your tits are I can't wait for
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
