As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
