I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
