Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
