i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
