I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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