My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
