My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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