your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
