So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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